Sunday, April 26, 2009

Dear Diary,

Life has never felt so uncertain. Our home back in Virginia is significantly damaged, and we no longer have renters. We can't begin to advertise for new renters until things get fixed, and we don't know how long that will take. In addition to that uncertainty, we still haven't figured out what to do with our car and don't know what the wisest thing is to do. On top of it all, the decision about the VISA has been made, but they are not telling us what it is until it is officially documented. I wonder what this week will bring. I told Colby last week that I was tired of clutching tightly to the side of the roller-coaster with white knuckles. I am ready to put my hands up and just enjoy the ride. Colby's response to my analogy: "I'm puking over the side of the roller-coaster car."

Yet in the midst of this turbulence, God has been so good. The argument, "God can't be real because there is so much pain in this world," doesn't resonate with me--because it is in those times of pain and helplessness that God can draw us so close and make Himself so real. These past nine months since Colby resigned from his secure position at Stafford Baptist have been some of the most intimate times with both my God and my family. We are all learning to lean so heavily on Him. In the midst of comfort, it is easy to forget the reality that we are all desperately in need of God, and I am thankful for the trials He has brought our way to demolish that illusion.

A few days ago, I overheard a conversation that Colby was having with Haley during her snack time. "When I am old and gray, there's only one thing I want you to remember about me: that God is so good and has such good news for the world that it was more important to share that message than live a comfortable, easy life." The next day Haley told us at breakfast that she had thought a lot about those words as she was falling asleep. I still struggle to trust God with our future, with His plans for us, and making my own comfort an idol, but I pray that our lives will be a testimony to God's sufficiency.

3 comments:

Ruth. said...

I wouldn't trade our Iceland years for anything. They are part of who we are, and no matter how long or short you live there, you absorb some things that you will love and miss when you leave. Being obedient to following God where He leads brings lasting peace, even though it's not always easy. I feel for you in your turmoil and uncertainty - white knuckles on the rollar coaster! May God pour down His blessings on you all as you live there for Him, in trust.
with prayer, from Rhode Island,
Ruth, former Iceland missionary

Carrie Fairy Thoughts said...

Annie I am praying for you guys and I think about you often...I heard a sermon not too long ago that when times of uncertainity come or when you totally lean on God and times seem rough its usually a blessing coming soon....I can't remember exactly what the preacher said but it was something like that. I am sorry for all you have gone through. Your family is amazing. Your such a good testimony. You speak to my heart in what you write. Just to let you know. Your girls are so smart and beautiful and you are teaching them wonderful things. Your great parents. I am so thankful that I know you all. Please hang in there Annie. You will be ok...and trusting in God is the best thing you can do.

Carrie Fairy Thoughts said...

Annie - I was going to tell you that I have a blog on here too - www.carriefairythoughts.blogspot.com....Mine is not as interesting as yours...but just wanted you to know in case you want to follow mine in return...

Also, pray for Liz - An HLHS baby (like my niece Emma) died...Liz is scared about my niece Emma catching a virus and needing a heart transplant and dying....You can read my blog about it....

Love ya...

Liz's caring bridge is www.caringbridge.org/visit/emmajoy