Did you know that in order to perform open heart surgery the doctors have to first STOP the heart? Well, I just learned that this week.
There are some details that I'd rather not know...
Right now Gracie is in open heart surgery. Anticipating this moment was worse than the actual moment. Last night we met with the doctors and had a Pre-Operation meeting where they go over every possible thing that could go wrong. It was so brutal that I had to leave....before it even started. When Colby walked out of the meeting, he had lost most of the color in his face and lips.
We were so shaken up we didn't know what to do with ourselves. I wasn't sure I wanted to be at the hospital for the whole ordeal; Colby didn't know if that was best for me. We just weren't sure how to handle it and it was putting strain on our communication. It's really amazing how God knows how much is enough. Right when we were about to reach our breaking point, He did something very supernatural and special to lift the heaviness. I wish I could share the whole story now....but there is only 11 minutes of battery life left on this computer....and I have no idea where the charger is.
So, I guess it's time for me to start writing a book. Someone told me recently that they were very disappointed how little I've written about this experience. It has been almost too emotional and personal to share via the blog, but I realize now that some people could benefit from my words. I'm feeling like the ONLY way I know how to deal with this is through writing, so I might as well make it available to others who are going through difficulties. More on this topic later...
This morning I woke up at 3:30am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I drove deep into the mountains on Skyline Drive. I watched the dynamic stars melt away into the pre-dawn colors. I didn't put on any music or even pray out loud to Jesus. It was too solemn and sacred of a moment to even speak. Later in the drive I put on a cd that we made a few weeks ago using GarageBand at the Long's house. The cd only has one song on it...I wrote it a few years ago. I guess wrote it is the wrong way to put it. It is Jude 1:25. I am not the best singer, but this song is special because Colby and I sing it together and it makes me emotional to hear our voices blend together. It was the only song I listened to, and I listened to it over and over again while the orange sun rose over the misty valley below. If you click here, you can listen to a part of my morning.
For my ride down the mountain, I listened to a cd of the gospel of Mark. I listened to the life of Jesus, amazed that a man who lived over 2000 years ago could make such an impact on history and on my life today. I don't get it sometimes...all I know is that it's true.
I'm at the hospital now. There is a sign right outside this door in the hallway that says, "UVA MEDICAL CENTER....Good Outcomes Are in Our Hands." Gracie's life is not in UVA's hands right now. It's not in the surgeon's hands. Gracie's life has been and always will be in God's hands. Thank you Jesus that we can rest in you...the author of life.