Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Day

Did you know that in order to perform open heart surgery the doctors have to first STOP the heart?  Well, I just learned that this week.

There are some details that I'd rather not know...

Right now Gracie is in open heart surgery.  Anticipating this moment was worse than the actual moment.  Last night we met with the doctors and had a Pre-Operation meeting where they go over every possible thing that could go wrong.  It was so brutal that I had to leave....before it even started.  When Colby walked out of the meeting, he had lost most of the color in his face and lips.

We were so shaken up we didn't know what to do with ourselves.  I wasn't sure I wanted to be at the hospital for the whole ordeal;  Colby didn't know if that was best for me.  We just weren't sure how to handle it and it was putting strain on our communication.  It's really amazing how God knows how much is enough.   Right when we were about to reach our breaking point, He did something very supernatural and special to lift the heaviness.  I wish I could share the whole story now....but there is only 11 minutes of battery life left on this computer....and I have no idea where the charger is.

So, I guess it's time for me to start writing a book.  Someone told me recently that they were very disappointed how little I've written about this experience.  It has been almost too emotional and personal to share via the blog, but I realize now that some people could benefit from my words.  I'm feeling like the ONLY way I know how to deal with this is through writing, so I might as well make it available to others who are going through difficulties.  More on this topic later...

This morning I woke up at 3:30am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I drove deep into the mountains on Skyline Drive.  I watched the dynamic stars melt away into the pre-dawn colors.  I didn't put on any music or even pray out loud to Jesus.  It was too solemn and sacred of a moment to even speak.  Later in the drive I put on a cd that we made a few weeks ago using GarageBand at the Long's house.  The cd only has one song on it...I wrote it a few years ago.  I guess wrote it is the wrong way to put it.  It is Jude 1:25.  I am not the best singer, but this song is special because Colby and I sing it together and it makes me emotional to hear our voices blend together.  It was the only song I listened to, and I listened to it over and over again while the orange sun rose over the misty valley below.  If you click here, you can listen to a part of my morning.  

For my ride down the mountain, I listened to a cd of the gospel of Mark.  I listened to the life of Jesus, amazed that a man who lived over 2000 years ago could make such an impact on history and on my life today.  I don't get it sometimes...all I know is that it's true.

I'm at the hospital now.  There is a sign right outside this door in the hallway that says, "UVA MEDICAL CENTER....Good Outcomes Are in Our Hands."   Gracie's life is not in UVA's hands right now.  It's not in the surgeon's hands.  Gracie's life has been and always will be in God's hands.  Thank you Jesus that we can rest in you...the author of life.

4 comments:

Lucas' Mommy said...

Your strength is an inspiration and you write extremely well! I can't wait to read your book. :-) You inspired me to start a blog of my own..finally! http://bunchacrunchbaby.blogspot.com/

Annie Garman said...

thanks for all your support!

Carrie Fairy Thoughts said...

Annie - I remember all these moments you are blogging about on my sisters face and her actions. This same thing happening to Emma the last two plus years has made us come together as a family so much stronger. It has helped us all to lean on God and to know God is in control. Take your time with finding the words to write. Take your time with finding the right emotions to express. Be still and know God is there. Your not alone. Many people have uplifted little Gracie in prayer. And there are many people out there who have gone through the exact same thing you have. And Gracie is going to be just fine. I am glad you are such a godly woman and I love reading what you write because you put things into such perspective. Call my sister any time. I would say call me. But I don't think I am much help to you. Just know that there are alot of people willing to reach out and help. And we are all loving you from afar and caring deeply for your whole family and for Gracie. And most importantly God had this all worked out in his plans for Gracies life before she was concieved. There is a purpose for everything. I miss you and I am sending you huge hugs. Again I URGE you to check out the caringbridge.org sites. There are many wonderful people out there that can really help you. If not only for just information and for you to understand things better. Call my sister any time ok?? I love you. I don't write the best - but I am just trying to let you know that we are all praying. And care.

ashley said...

absolutely amazing song Annie!!! And to hear you both...wow...brought back so many memories! Praying for you both and sweet Gracie...and YES...she is in God's hands...and our God can do mighty things! My mom was healed from cancer...that same God is holding Gracie. Love you guys!